Thursday, May 24, 2012

I have been thinking this for a while and i am pretty sure that no one reads my blog anymore so I almost feel like I am saying this in secret. I would like to not make this about me... but this is a blog so it is completely appropriate. I debated putting this online. But for some reason I feel like it is important to put out there.

The past two years has been filled with a lot of ups and downs: took a risk and applied for graduate school, left my job/home/friends, moved crossed country and started graduate school. I have seen friends take on new adventures in life, become closer with family and all in all I am developing a different view on life. I have found topics that I enjoy learning about and I am enthusiastic to see what is to come in the future. During the past year or two I have also had a lot of hard times. I've cried too many times to count. Cried from sadness, worry, anger and frustration. But I have also cried because of overwhelming feelings of happiness and joy. I have spent sleepless nights working on assignments (not too many!), going over and over in my head about what I could have done to change the outcome of some event, thinking about the type of person I want to be and how that compares to how I see myself, and yes even stayed up just for the fun of it.

So what have I learned from this? Well... I am blessed. Sounds strange for me to say, even stranger to think when times are going rough (and boy to they seem to get rough quick). But I have found myself saying that more and more as I step back and look at all of the opportunities I have had. I am sometimes overwhelmed by the thought of how my life could have turned out differently. I think about how easy it could have been to give up when it felt that I had to work harder than other people just to do ok (i should put the word "perceived"somewhere in there. I mean sometimes there is just no evidence). But I also have received a great deal of help and support from family, friends, colleagues and people in general who saw something in me that I often didn't see in myself. For that I am most blessed. I say the word "blessed" without a hint of irony or cynicism. I don't even say those words with a single idea of how I came to be blessed. But lately,I have come to feel that it is more and more true.

So people I know. If you find this and read it let me say one thing: Thank you! 

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